Cruis'n USA

Release: 1996
Platform: N64
Genre: Racing
Cruise the USA! see the sights! get bored in minutes!

Why is it that you never see more dramatic last names anymore? If you read a history book, they’re all over the place, William the Conqueror, Alexander the Great, Jeremy the portly etc… Really, though, I’m not sure that I’ve ever met someone in person with one of those names which is really too bad because it would be really interesting to get to know people named Tawd the Terrible, Nick the Utterly Fantastic and David the Residing Occupant.

Cruis'n isn't even a real word.

As long we’re on the subject: if Cruis’n USA had a dramatic last name it would be: Cruis'n USA the Fairly Unremarkable. It’s a racing game. In the sense that, there are some cars in it, and they race, which qualifies as a type of game. There’s very little to make the game remarkable. Though the nearly photo-realistic scenery looks really great, it repeats about every minute and pops in from a few feet away. The highpoint of this game for me was when I drove into a redwood tree, flattened it completely, and then proceeded to drive right over it. The lesson here is: when the highpoint of the game you’re playing is driving into trees, you should be playing a better game.