I'd like to start off with thanking my readership, I've been really surprised at the response to the blog and I'd like to thank both my readers for their support over the sometimes tumultuous beginnings. Anyway, aside from that quick thanks, I'd also like to let you know that I'm going to switch gears here, even though this blog has only been open a week, I'm going to switch to something new. I've been happy with this site so far, but I want to move to something that will allow me a bit more freedom in my subject matter without feeling like I am misleading the readers. As such, I've decided to move my blog to a different URL, the format will basically be the same though. Anyway, I'll see you there (I'd also like to apologize for recycling content from here on to there, but being as my two readers are close friends, I think you'll forgive me)
http://www.thecriticofeverything.blogspot.com/
Monday, October 13, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
Released: 2008
Platform: PS3
Genre: Melodramaic movie
Somewhere out in there in the world of metaphorical pretentiousness, there is a line. It’s invisible. I’m not sure where it’s located. I’m not even sure where the point where you cross it is. I am sure of one thing though, Metal Gear Solid 4 crosses that line. Hideo Kojima has always been known to be a man to pursue his own unique and ambitious vision. Following in the tradition of his keen sense of Irony, Kojima studios has crafted a game that plays fantastically compared to any of the previous games in the series and any other game on the market, yet he seems to make a conscious effort to make sure you get to actually play the game as little as possible.
With a variety of ways to dispatch the enemies and a sharp interface to customize your weapons, decimating countless grunts is profoundly enjoyable. However, each time you find yourself getting the hang of the level and the gadgets, the game decides that you’ve become dangerously close to having too much fun and decides to throw a half hour stream of cutscene or boss battle at you. The boss battles are well done, but don’t give nearly the sense of freedom that the levels do. In the end, the game is probably about 70-80% cutscenes or boss battles.
This game has alright graphics
Metal Gear Solid 4 is an incredibly impressive mix of cinematic gameplay and storytelling, for maybe two hours. For the other 15 hours, there is a very obvious disconnect between the gameplay and storytelling, because it’s impossible to keep you engaged in playing a game consistently when most cutscenes run for at least ten minutes, and many run much, much longer. I’m very happy I got to play MGS4, I care about the story of metal gear and the game wraps it up nicely. There are also parts of the gameplay that are nothing short of incredible. However, it also demonstrates one of the problems with a game being created by an auteur. Nobody on the dev team has the balls to go up to Kojima and say “hey Hideo, we’ve made a stellar game here and I just think that maybe people would rather play it than watch a half hour cutscene about how computer viruses work”. Well, if anyone did say that, they should promote that guy. Also, fire the guy who decided to have Octacon preach the wonders of Blu-Ray in the middle of the game.
Platform: PS3
Genre: Melodramaic movie
Somewhere out in there in the world of metaphorical pretentiousness, there is a line. It’s invisible. I’m not sure where it’s located. I’m not even sure where the point where you cross it is. I am sure of one thing though, Metal Gear Solid 4 crosses that line. Hideo Kojima has always been known to be a man to pursue his own unique and ambitious vision. Following in the tradition of his keen sense of Irony, Kojima studios has crafted a game that plays fantastically compared to any of the previous games in the series and any other game on the market, yet he seems to make a conscious effort to make sure you get to actually play the game as little as possible.
With a variety of ways to dispatch the enemies and a sharp interface to customize your weapons, decimating countless grunts is profoundly enjoyable. However, each time you find yourself getting the hang of the level and the gadgets, the game decides that you’ve become dangerously close to having too much fun and decides to throw a half hour stream of cutscene or boss battle at you. The boss battles are well done, but don’t give nearly the sense of freedom that the levels do. In the end, the game is probably about 70-80% cutscenes or boss battles.
This game has alright graphics
Metal Gear Solid 4 is an incredibly impressive mix of cinematic gameplay and storytelling, for maybe two hours. For the other 15 hours, there is a very obvious disconnect between the gameplay and storytelling, because it’s impossible to keep you engaged in playing a game consistently when most cutscenes run for at least ten minutes, and many run much, much longer. I’m very happy I got to play MGS4, I care about the story of metal gear and the game wraps it up nicely. There are also parts of the gameplay that are nothing short of incredible. However, it also demonstrates one of the problems with a game being created by an auteur. Nobody on the dev team has the balls to go up to Kojima and say “hey Hideo, we’ve made a stellar game here and I just think that maybe people would rather play it than watch a half hour cutscene about how computer viruses work”. Well, if anyone did say that, they should promote that guy. Also, fire the guy who decided to have Octacon preach the wonders of Blu-Ray in the middle of the game.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Cruis'n USA
Release: 1996
Platform: N64
Genre: Racing
Cruise the USA! see the sights! get bored in minutes!
Platform: N64
Genre: Racing
Cruise the USA! see the sights! get bored in minutes!
Why is it that you never see more dramatic last names anymore? If you read a history book, they’re all over the place, William the Conqueror, Alexander the Great, Jeremy the portly etc… Really, though, I’m not sure that I’ve ever met someone in person with one of those names which is really too bad because it would be really interesting to get to know people named Tawd the Terrible, Nick the Utterly Fantastic and David the Residing Occupant.
Cruis'n isn't even a real word.
As long we’re on the subject: if Cruis’n USA had a dramatic last name it would be: Cruis'n USA the Fairly Unremarkable. It’s a racing game. In the sense that, there are some cars in it, and they race, which qualifies as a type of game. There’s very little to make the game remarkable. Though the nearly photo-realistic scenery looks really great, it repeats about every minute and pops in from a few feet away. The highpoint of this game for me was when I drove into a redwood tree, flattened it completely, and then proceeded to drive right over it. The lesson here is: when the highpoint of the game you’re playing is driving into trees, you should be playing a better game.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Dead to Rights 2
Released:2005
Platform: Xbox, PS2
Genre: Dumb
I really like this game, help me.
Either the worst great game or the best bad game ever made, Dead to Rights 2 is a celebration of the brainless violence that is too often glossed over in games that attempt to have “meaning”. Jack Slate, the policeman you play as, is clearly a far worse human being than any of the crime bosses he fights, the glee he takes in the murdering of countless grunts is passed the line of your average badass ass and into full-fledged psychotic territory. He also insists on making mind-gratingly irritating puns at the beginning of every level, something I can usually get behind, but not by this bonehead.
This is falling with style.
Anyway, as far as the game goes, it’s basically a constant stream of living dudes running at you. It’s your job to make them dead. As soon as you do that and walk forward five feet, there will be another stream of guys for you to kill. You do this for 5 hours and then the game ends. Luckily, the game controls well and Jack has a lot of moves making the killing fun for an hour or two or until your brain turns into jelly (whichever comes first). Dead to Rights 2 is not a game for people who are looking for buzzwords like “variety”, “good dialogue”, “depth”, “ambition” or “value”. However, it’s definitely satisfying for the twitch gamer who is looking for “fun”.
Platform: Xbox, PS2
Genre: Dumb
I really like this game, help me.
Either the worst great game or the best bad game ever made, Dead to Rights 2 is a celebration of the brainless violence that is too often glossed over in games that attempt to have “meaning”. Jack Slate, the policeman you play as, is clearly a far worse human being than any of the crime bosses he fights, the glee he takes in the murdering of countless grunts is passed the line of your average badass ass and into full-fledged psychotic territory. He also insists on making mind-gratingly irritating puns at the beginning of every level, something I can usually get behind, but not by this bonehead.
This is falling with style.
Anyway, as far as the game goes, it’s basically a constant stream of living dudes running at you. It’s your job to make them dead. As soon as you do that and walk forward five feet, there will be another stream of guys for you to kill. You do this for 5 hours and then the game ends. Luckily, the game controls well and Jack has a lot of moves making the killing fun for an hour or two or until your brain turns into jelly (whichever comes first). Dead to Rights 2 is not a game for people who are looking for buzzwords like “variety”, “good dialogue”, “depth”, “ambition” or “value”. However, it’s definitely satisfying for the twitch gamer who is looking for “fun”.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Donkey Kong Country
Released: 1994
Platform: SNES
Genre: Platformer
Go bananas. Please
Platform: SNES
Genre: Platformer
Go bananas. Please
Profoundly pretty, Donkey Kong Country combines the established fun of jumping on the heads of various things with beautiful graphics that still look totally fantastic. Even at its time, you couldn’t really consider DKC particularly innovative, but the excellent level variety makes it engaging the entire way. Though the lack of boss variety is a disappointment, no other aspect of this game is. By integrating a variety of challenges including rope swinging barrel blasting and ostrich riding (because gorillas ride on ostriches all the time) DKC stays engaging throughout its satisfactory length.
This is arguably the best looking level in video game history
Donkey Kong Country is essential to any Super Nintendo collection, not only because it was a highly impressive leap in videogame technology and still looks as good as any game on the SNES, but also because I can’t see anyone not enjoying what highly polished gameplay has to offer.
Monday, October 6, 2008
NARC
Released:1988
Platform: Arcade (available on Midway Arcade Treasures 2 for Xbox, PS2 and GC)
Genre: Anti-Drug Shoot em up
Winners don't use drugs
You are the NARC. The task has fallen upon you to help clean up the drug infested streets of your fair city and end the reign of the K.R.A.K Corporation… I wonder what they could possibly manufacture at the K.R.A.K Company. Anyway, as the NARC, you can get up close to and bust the countless offenders, sending them off to rehabilitation and helping them get their lives back on track and become contributing members of society. Or you can blow them into tiny bits with your rocket launcher. Whichever tactic you choose, you can take solace in the fact that you are making your city a safer place for all the children who simply want to take a walk down the street. So long as they avoid the flaming limbs falling from the sky
.
Platform: Arcade (available on Midway Arcade Treasures 2 for Xbox, PS2 and GC)
Genre: Anti-Drug Shoot em up
Winners don't use drugs
You are the NARC. The task has fallen upon you to help clean up the drug infested streets of your fair city and end the reign of the K.R.A.K Corporation… I wonder what they could possibly manufacture at the K.R.A.K Company. Anyway, as the NARC, you can get up close to and bust the countless offenders, sending them off to rehabilitation and helping them get their lives back on track and become contributing members of society. Or you can blow them into tiny bits with your rocket launcher. Whichever tactic you choose, you can take solace in the fact that you are making your city a safer place for all the children who simply want to take a walk down the street. So long as they avoid the flaming limbs falling from the sky
.
Even though it’s not particularly good, NARC is worth checking out once just to see some of the old school zaniness. About the time I was blasting missiles at a fat man in a wheel chair I couldn’t help but feel thankful to be playing a game with a positive message behind it.
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